No Such Thing As Perfect: The Problem With Perfectionism and How to Embrace Imperfection

Perfectionism—the tendency to demand flawlessness from yourself or others—can often be seen as a positive quality. Perfectionists tend to be highly motivated and ambitious, and thanks to their close attention to detail and their willingness to work long hours, they often excel at school and in the workplace.

However, perfectionism also has a terrible downside. In some cases, perfectionists can be overly critical of themselves and others, taking an all-or-nothing mindset and failing to accept anything that doesn’t meet their (sometimes unattainable) standards--no matter how much time and effort went into the work. Perfectionists also tend to base their own self-worth on their performance abilities, which can be damaging to their self-esteem and mental health if they don’t deliver perfect results. In fact, studies have shown that perfectionists often experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, and are more likely to become burned out.

Embracing Imperfection

Perfectionism can be difficult to overcome, but it’s possible to do so. Here are some tips for how to challenge perfectionist tendencies and embrace your imperfection:

Set more realistic goals.

Often, those identifying with perfectionistic tendencies will set lofty goals in hopes these goals will motivate them to push ever harder and farther. However, the downside of this is that these goals are frequently unattainable and/or require considerable time and effort to accomplish--leading to burnout, disappointment, poorer self-efficacy and shame. Setting more realistic goals will assure that you are still striving for something that may challenge you but also creates a greater likelihood you will succeed and therefore continue to feel more motivated, inspired and confident to keep pursuing your dreams. 

Reduce how much effort you’re putting into tasks and pay attention to whether anyone notices any difference in the results.

Perfectionism often initially stems from the desire to either please others or avoid criticism from others. It may eventually morph into defining your own self-worth, however remembering that it initially stems from a relational place allows us to challenge our desire for external validation by testing whether anything catastrophic really happens when we take our foot off the gas.

Try to think of mistakes as learning opportunities.

There is absolutely nothing morally wrong with making a mistake. In fact, mistakes are one of the most important parts of our learning process and can be great opportunities to learn self-compassion, self-reflection, creativity and resilience. While mistakes can bring on many uncomfortable and painful emotions--especially in the early stages of recovering from Perfectionism, they are a very important part of being human. And learning to deal with making mistakes is a quintessential part of Embracing Imperfection. 

Recognize when you begin to think like a perfectionist, and then challenge those thoughts.

Often times, these thoughts begin with "I have to," "I must," "If I don't...then," etc. Black and white, all-or-nothing thinking can often be the first sign that you've slipped into Perfectionistic lines of thought. When you notice this, see if you can bring some more flexibility to the thought. An example of this is rather than thinking "I need to get all of these things done today," replace it with "I'll see what I can get done today with the time and energy I have, and the rest, I'll assign to another day soon."

If seeing pictures and videos of people leading seemingly perfect lives triggers you, remind yourself that their posts are likely curated (and if that still doesn’t work, try taking a break from social media altogether).

The inundation of others' representations of their lives can be really damaging to our self-image--particularly if we are prone to compare ourselves to others. Remember that literally no one is perfect, and therefore whatever representation others make of their lives is just that--a representation. It isn't truth or fact, and therefore ought not influence your relationship to yourself. 

For More Information

If you suspect you might struggle with patterns of perfectionism, we invite you to schedule an appointment with one of the knowledgeable therapists at The Carlile Therapy Group. We’re highly experienced in treating clients who struggle with perfectionism, and we can supply you with personalized guidance that will help you embrace your imperfection and improve your quality of life. Contact us today to get started.